I'm still standing.....

I love love love Elton John always have....I love the gays....I believe they brighten the world....anyway I have been feeling somewhat thwarted by the universe lately....as if she is testing my will and abitlity to withstand....it's been awhile, but I am proud to report....I'm still standing....and being positive....I will continue to be optomistic about our future outcome and all the really great things it will contain within it.....I am not surviving or leaning on my strength now I am simply L.I.V.I.N.....I am feeling everything good bad and indifferent....I am facing the universe and saying thank you for all the blessings I have and helping me to appreciate the things I have perhaps taken for granted as of late.....one of these things I wish to talk about in great length today....my husband....Now I am still technically a newlywed so I believe I am allowed still to gush and ramble about how wonderful he is....don't get me wrong he is still a man (though not a typical one) he has his shortcommings....and I am finding I love them all more and more each day....he has this unearthly strength even when my fails me.....this understanding.....and this patience I envy....he has the inate ability to act as prozac for me calming me when I am sure I will blow up and fall back to earth in a thousand pieces.....he knows with out asking when I need to be held and when I need a drive and when I need a night out and when I need space to myself and when.....well he just seems to know what I need at any given time....he allows me to be the millions of different kind of women I am at all times....and he adjust to them......all the while making me feel as if i am whole and perfect and make the most sense.....of course I'll be the first to admit I am crazy as all get out....but....he makes me feel sane....and complete.....I cannot seem to say enough about this amazing human I a have the honor of knowing and priviledge to share my life with.....he has the most beautiful eyes I have ever looked into.....he has strong hands to hold me full of passion and love....and when the time calls for it he truly is the greatest lover I could ever have dreamed of.....he is gentle and loving....honest and giving....and I dare say....talented in this department.....I will go no further into that....(unless you wanna chat over a cup of coffee lol) he is a truly indescribable man.....and I am proud to call him my husband....I love being in love with him and I love the way he loves me.....I am truly thankful to the powers that be for bringing us together....Ohhhh I wish for everyone an equally amazing love affair as the one I have....and to those that do.....isn't love grand!!

so I say to the universe in this time of trials and tribulations I see what I have....I am thankful for it and I appreciate it all of it....I love that I am again taken for granted by my daughter....who I believe is convinced I have been put on this earth to meet her every demand.....I am grateful for the small joys and treasures I have been taking for granted as of late....and even though life seems a test of wills lately I have only to say....Look here....see me....I'm still standing and whats more I'm smiling!!

Growing up!

It's late.....really late....it's after 11 and even for a stay at home mother that's late....I'm up because we are in the middle of fierce sounding thunderstorm.....being a home grown born and raised Kansas girl I can sleep through them with no problem.....in fact I have found the older I get the better I sleep during a thunderstorm.....but I'm up because my daughter has not yet developed that appreciation for a good thunderstorm.....here's where it gets wierd....I have always been able to count on an extra body in the bed on nights when the wind howled like it is now.....when the lighting and thunder were working together to seem oh so much more menacing than they really are....as they are tonight....so when it started to get loud.....I got up and checked on my girl.....she was sleeping......I sat up and had a cigarette....still no whining or calling out to me.....I stayed up till about 2 and not once did she call out to me.....the next morning I asked her (as I do every morning) how she slept....good was the answer I got....now this may seem wierd to some of you but in my own mind this was just one more example of how the more she grows the harder and more painful it is for me....I should be thankful that I no longer have to stay up late and make silly funny jokes so she will calm down and not be afraid of a thunderstorm.....however I am heartbroken....my daughter is growing before my eyes and I am trying to keep myself from wishing she would stop.....I want her to grow up I want her to be able to cope and handle no matter what comes her way....that's what my mind says......if only my heart could catch up.....I will be a wake every night there is a thunderstorm for the rest of my life.....I just know I will.....maybe along time from now I'll be up late listening to the rain and wind and thunder and I'll get a phone call from my grown daughter....she'll apologize for it being so late and waking me up (as if) and she ask me what that song was I used to sing to her late at night to get her to calm down and fall asleep when it was storming....and my grandchild will be crying and whining in the back ground....I'll tell her and she say good night mom I'll call you tomorrow.....the next day I'll ask her how she slept and she'll sound groggy and make some disgusted sound and say I can't wait till they can sleep through a stormy night......I won't say anything to her but I will again feel the sharp pain of understanding.....because I could have waited....I could wait a few more years....

Just Bitchin......

So I was talking to a friend recently, and we were venting to each other about a mutual acquaintance of ours.....we are both appalled and yet not surprised by the audacity of this person....it's one of those people that no matter what they aren't happy unless they are covered in chaos and disruption....now I know from personal experience and so does my friend (unfortunately) how hurtful this person can be....while I have had no contact with this person for a long time, I am still very aware and sensitive to the pain this person caused for me and my family....I sit here and I wonder to myself....does that ever go away?.....is it possible to just put away hurt, that deep and selfish....I even think what hurts the most is the fact that they knew what they were doing and made a coherent decision to act in this selfish and hurtful way....obviously I have not had the chance to ask this person why they have done this terrible thing to me and my family so I can only guess it was because of jealousy....I imagine the lack of attention being paid to them and their family was the cause of so much unnecessary discontent on their part.....I met a person and became friends with them recently that had the innate ability to let everything slide off their back.....like the proverbial "water off a ducks back".....I wished and tried so hard to learn this skill....I unfortunately have yet to master that ability I you see....am a dweller....I dwell on things.....all kinds of things.....badly.....I'm working on this.....anyway I wish for anyone who has to deal with this kind of person or people....peace of mind and the ability to just laugh off the hurt and meanness I hope for all our sakes we can learn to just let it all slide off our backs and go away! I hope for you all be well!! Blessed be!

Chet and I went to Haunted Stroll with Shy's girl scout troop this year here are a few pics from the night!

A Factual Accounting of a Housewife!

So It's my first day as a re-elected "Domestic Diva" or "Lady of Liesure" or "Desperate housewife" or "Bon-Bon eating, Day time talk show watchin,
soap opera obsessed, shamelessly mouth flapping gossiping, Proud mother and wife, flag waving, Stay at home mom!" And as such I feel this blog will surely turn out to be the never published, yet fascinating account Of a Housewife! Man.....I wish I could be funny this "account of a housewife" would, I think be alot more interesting in a "funny" setting....I however have very little sense of humor and even when I try to be ....well....funny I find I am usually the only one in the conversation that get's it. So this will simply be a factual accounting of a housewife.

I have decided to spring clean for the first couple of weeks....we have an extreamly small house so while I feel this will be a beneficial venture, I am somewhat dissmayed by the size of the venture. I figure it's a matter of organization on my part....everyone still awake.......so I decided to start with a small, but not to small a room.....I have decided to work one room at a time, with the hope that each room only takes 1 day. So Today I cleaned our bedroom, I will now relay this experience!

I decided clean the top of our closet, one of our biggest space issues are clothes, so I figured if I could clean out the top of the closet I could use it as a place to put more clothes! I started by walking into the door....no I'm not getting that detailed....I walked into the door....as in smash....have you ever had that experience of being so convinced the door would just open when you wiggled the knob and pushed....I've done it a hundred times and this time was no different....however the door didn't move....and my body doesn't stop that quickly....reflexes of a cat I have not....Once I put my contact back where it belonged and established my nose was not broken or bleeding as I had first suspected....although I have never had a broken nose and therefore really am no judge of this so it may very well be broken....not that I'm being whinny about it. I got the top of the closet cleaned out and figured out my organizational plan, and was just putting this into effect when.....I was reaching for a basket above my head and it dumped on me.....yep dumped....that wouldn't have been so big a deal but it had jewelry making kits in it.....yep hundreds of little beads and charms and jems go flying every where.....so as I'm on my hands and knees sweeping up the beads and string and other crap....it hits me this is why every mother should have a once a week maid paid for by the government....job assistance....any way I get the bedroom done and move onto the laundry I want to put the clothes away in the top of the closet to make sure everything will fit....I have 4 loads just washed and dryed yesterday....I fold them as I watch worthless t.v.....I have some towels and socks sitting on the couch cushions while I put some other clothes away....I'm gone for 30secs tops I return to the living room to find Cleo our wanderful english bulldog happily snoring all over my clean folded clothes.....I nearly cried.....I then pulled myself together and showed great restraint.... in the fact that the dog is still living.... and simply threw the clothes on top of the pile back in the laundry and put the rest of the clothes away....so laundry folded....not all put away.... I went to the kitchen to do the dishes....but all went pretty well in here....I mean....I washed....they dried....I put away....pretty normal....then I sat down to blog about my day and how I almost cried today....I laughed....I relaxed....I accomplished....I succeded....Now I remember why this is one of the greateset jobs I ever had!