Finally catching up!

It's been almost a month since I posted....so much for my once a week plan! Okay, lets see the reason I have been so negligent lately is basically pain! I had a to have a root canal re-treated....and while he was doing the procedure my wonderful dentist found out when the idiot of a dentist did the root canal the first time he left a canal undone....now I'm not a dentist and I do not have any medical experience or background, but I'm thinking that's not supposed to happen. To make matters worse the tooth was abscessed, which I have gathered simply means it was infected! So while having the normal pain of a root canal I also had the added bonus of a raging infection. It has not been fun! So I have done no journaling no meditation no blogging and no scrapping in almost a month. To say it's been hell is an understatement....however this weekend I was on the up! I was looking forward to a weekend of quiet and joyful bliss! My husband and I were planning to spend the weekend cuddled up, enjoying each other. We did and it was an absolute joy! We also finished the second book in the twilight series. We start on the third tonight. The weekend was wonderful. I did have a fight....a stupid one at that with who I thought was a really good friend. I still am not quite sure why the whole thing even went down, apparently I am supposed to read minds, and have a inner demon who is out to destroy every human being I encounter. Oddly, it was all over a silly meaningless (or so I thought) comment on facebook! This damn Internet gets me in all kinds of trouble! Lol!

As for the last couple of weeks it has been the usual worries and stresses. Money, friends, kids....just normal stuff. I did have an experience a week or so ago. My dd has been more than a little difficult to handle lately, and it seemed to me she was being especially rude and disrespectful to me personally, so I finally had had enough one evening while I was making dinner and asked her straight out what the deal was. Now I started the conversation (not wanting to hear the answer) with the question....."Do you just not like being here" I was expecting a snide and revengeful comment like "No, 'cuse you make me eat my vegetables, clean my room, do my homework and sometimes redo it if I got answers wrong," The answer couldn't have been more of a surprise. It was a long conversation so I'll just give you the gist. She is angry with her dad....really angry and she's scared if she tells him how she feels he'll just send her to our house and forget about her. I was shocked I literally sat there starring at her like a goof. I didn't know what to say at first. She had examples of what she felt was neglect and a lack of love on his part. Now all kids have complaints about their parents, this was different though....this broke my heart....as my daughter spoke I couldn't help but see myself 3 yrs ago trying so hard to make the same man understand the same things. My daughter had the very same hurts and issues that were the reason for her parents divorce. I have always said that one of the reasons I left was because I wanted her to know if you weren't happy some where you could always leave you never had to feel less than you are. Now I was being faced with the knowledge that she was feeling this way and she thought she couldn't leave. He's her father not a boyfriend or a best friend or a roommate. I spoke to him and adjustments were made. However the feeling I felt listening to her in her hopeless little girl voice, the helplessness I felt when she looked at me with eyes that are identical to my own expecting that like always I would fix what was wrong in her world. I love being a mother more than anything in the world but the helplessness at times is literally heartbreaking and bone crushing. She does seem so much better now that she has said it all and attention is being paid to the issues. That's a relief her whole personality and outlook has been wonderful as of late....WhooHoo!

I guess that pretty much sums up the last few weeks....hmmm kinda pathetic....were not nearly as interesting as one would guess!