Yet another heartbreakingly glorious moment in motherhood

It took me a full 24hrs and a couple of stiff drinks to get to the point of blogging about this.

Saturday afternoon mini-me called me into the bathroom...nothing unusual believe me...I go in and she says to me "there's stuff in my underwear" I take a look and sure enough good ol' Aunt Flo has made her first appearance in my young princess's life.

Now some of you will take what I'm about to say as simply another weepy woman talking about her children and if you choose to think of it this way that is your prerogative, (however insensitive it may be) Some of you will read what I say here and perhaps tear a bit as you look at your own young - perhaps younger than my - princess. Either way this is what went through my mind.

It's over...
It's time to start the yelling
It's time to start the mood swings
It's time to start the cycle shifts
It's time to start the walking around town alone
It's time to start the going to the mall with friends
It's time to start the dating
It's time to start the shaving
It's time to start the "You as my mother know nothing"
It's time to start the "I hate you"
It's time to start the slamming doors
It's time to start the lying
It's time to start the sneaking out
It's time to start the "can I borrow the car"

Please don't misunderstand my young princess isn't old enough to really do any of these things yet...but as a mother my mind told me that after this landmark event it all just speeds by...she will be a teenager in the blink of an eye she will be gone from home in the time it takes to breath deep and feel.

I have known for years -as has anyone who has known me- I am over everything in parenting Over protective, over bearing, over attentive, over everything...that's what happens when you are not blessed with the ability to procreate to your hearts content. I take to many pictures, I watch more closely, I covet more strongly, I am more lenient - much to my own dismay - I am an enabler.

So this event marked yet another reason to ponder in deep thought and agonizing painful realizations and rationalizations necessary for my own minds self preservation.

So I cried and smiled and made this seemingly small life detail into a huge one. I am not yet ready for her to be a young lady...if only I could be stingy just a year or two more. No then I would only want more...My grandma told me about having children they would be the biggest heartache of my life..."they will give you more love, more joy, more reason to be a good human being...but they will be the biggest heartache of your life...no living creature will ever hurt you more with out really wanting or trying to...the simple act of sending a child off to school for the first time will become a soul scarring event." Grandma knew what she was talking about...this amazingly beautiful soul has torn my heart out since she took her first breath and didn't make a sound...I should have known then I was in over my head...

Some people believe women to be a weaker sex...I have no muscles at all lifting a gallon of milk strains my overly fat desperately lacking in muscle body. However my heart my soul my very inner being has been tortured battered beaten and betrayed by this stunningly beautiful little girl her entire life...I as do all mothers in my opinion have not only weathered and prevailed to continue on this path of motherhood I have done so with a smile and an immeasurable sense of joy and blessing. That is strength.

So like the first day of school the first sleepover the first school program. I will look on with pride I will be in awe at my daughters strength poise and class. I will wallow in the sadness of this time. I will revel in the joy. I will be a mother and feel 500 different things all kept quietly to myself...all kept at bay from overwhelming my inner being...all this while going about life in the usual manner. I am a mother...I am the mother of a young lady...growing into a woman.