A reminder!

I have always had the bad habit of stashing little must-keeps in my drawers....usually my unmentionables drawer....It's a habit I must now let go of as I will no longer have a dresser to myself and am sharing with Chet....So today while I was emptying what was my dresser to hang up everything that could be I found so many little things that had been stashed away for quite awhile....I have moved this dresser twice and neither time did I clean it out just moved it with drawers and all...I found little pencil drawings from shy when she was little...I found my Cher ticket stub...I found letter's from my sister....and a small spiral notebook...I didn't recognize it at first, but as I got to looking at it I realized, or remembered it was the notebook Chet was writing in when our relationship first began...I make no denial about the fact that ours was not a fairy tale begining...however...no matter the details of the start of our love affair....to read it from his point of view after all this time...made my heart pitter....I was transported back to that time...it was chaotic...and somehow...with all the madness....there was an overwhelming sense of love and joy between us....I would never have guessed where we are now if I had been asked then to make a prediction...but we have been so blessed....truly with the love we have and share...with the love we have as a family unit...in every shape of our lives we have always been taken care of my an unseen force that has always been at bat for us....this force has always made what we needed and wanted possible and has always kept a protective hand on us....guiding us in the direction we need to go to complete our goals and dreams....I only hope we do this force justice in return and continuously send love joy and positivity back into the universe....I hope this force stays with us for the rest of our lives...maybe not always to bat or protect....hopefully sometimes just to watch and enjoy....I hope we never take for granted the blessings we have been given or where we have come from....I hope the love that brought us to where we are is always there and stronger with each day....this I hope for our family.

To self-doubt or not to self-doubt.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you think your all for something you give the go ahead, you think you have thought of all the pro's and con's and you are game for the outcome....but self doubt is just wearing on you....like you make yourself paraoid....to the point of possible talking yourself out of the situation altogether. I think I may be one of my own worst enemies....I internalize to the point that I could rationalize almost anything to myself....sometimes however it turns out my self doubt was just what I needed and my constant self-nit picking was just what I needed to make what ended up being the right choice or decision all along.....other things I have experienced....well I didn't experience them, I talked myself out of them and I still to this day don't know how it would have turned out.


Though self doubt has with out a doubt it's place and necessity....Is being my own worst critic, a self protectiveness or a way for me to always have an excuse to not try something I can't always control?

Thank you is not enough.

Well we have finally moved into the new house....almost....we still have a few things to get moved, but for the most part we are here....to say this experience has been a thrilling blessing is an understatement....with the largest of the blessings coming from those we are buying the house from.....T and J have done nothing short of handed us a personal miracle...they have been more than just kind they have been....amazingly wonderful....they have personally seen to it that we could make this little (and to some unimportant) dream come true. To simply say to them thank you does not seem like enough....I hope they know the good and gracious things they have done as of late are so much more appreciated than they will likely ever know....and the positive karma will I hope enrich their lives as it has ours. I hope for them always to feel as blessed and fortunate as we do....Thank you....for so many things....none of which are small or trivial....Thank you....though maybe not enough...Thank you!

Girl Scout Meltdown Story!

Okay so here's my latest meltdown story....

So a couple of months ago my co-leader and I sat our troop down and offered them 3 choices for summer camp this year....after much debate discussion, and many many many questions they decided on one. I talked to all the parent's about financial aid as I always do, however with the economy being in the state it currently is I knew this year more people than ever would be needing the aid, so I sent the apps in a month before the camp was to start. Ridiculously thinking that would surely be enough time to get approval and registration done. Our original camp date was the first week of June, I had several conversations with the Representative at the council about when the app's would be done and I could get the girls registered. Keep in mind there are limited spaces for camp so I wanted to get the girls registered as quickly as possible to ensure availability. I was told on two different occasions, that the apps would be complete the following week....on both occasions the app's were not finished as promised....in fact the apps were not complete before the June camp date came....I was frantic thinking the girls had lost the chance to go to camp....so the Representative and I changed the camp date for the girls to a July date. The app's were finally finished and the girls were registered for camp as of June 1st. I have called at least once a week every week for a month asking for a supplies list and schedule. Camp is this coming Monday. I have 2 parent's who received letters of supplies and schedules. One received it last Monday, and one received it yesterday! I and 3 other parent's never received any notification. So basically the Girl Scouts gave 4 sets of parent's 48hrs....on a holiday weekend to get everything their child needed for camp....some of the parent's have older children that have gone to camp, and have most of the supplies....well....one parent does....for the rest of us, we spent all day yesterday and today scrambling to put all the supplies together for our girls. Consequentially I copied and rushed 3 supply lists all over town yesterday and then made a frantic dash to wal-mart and a few other stores to get my girl ready for camp. To say this entire process has been frustrating is an understatement....I am appalled at the way my girls and parent's have been treated. I have two girls who are leaving the troop because of this camp fiasco, and one who's parents took her out of camp completely due to the fact they are out of town and had no way to get the required supplies.....she has since put her child back into the camp....so my girl is all packed and excited and ready for camp....by gods she better have good time.

That is my Girl Scout Meltdown story!

It's been awhile

Wow I haven't blogged in forever and a day....of course I'm blogging now because I have been left alone with my thoughts....as we all know that is never a totally safe thing...Wow there has been so much going on...I hardly know where to start. Ok.....let's see....Well, BigDaddy has been working out of town for a while now...I think a month....um....yeah I think a month. Anywho...that sux and I mean I love my man for being one of those men who provides for his family, and well....I just miss him like crazy! We've been making the best of it...he come's home on weekends, so we are alot luckier than some husbands and wives....(may the gods bless all the soldiers and their families)....It's hard when your husband is your best friend...not because you have no friends.....just because you prefer him to almost any other human being on the planet! So this week BigDaddy didn't even get to come home for the weekend....his big boss informed his foreman that they were to stay there until the job was done...so hopefully..... he will be home next weekend.

Shy has been a joy as always....she is going through this new phase though....everything is a question or is meant to be questioned....EVERYTHING....and I do mean everything....true examples from the last couple of days....
Shy:"Mom what are you doing?"
Mom:"Reading my magazine, did you need something?"
Shy:"No I was just wandering what you were doing in here by yourself."
Mom:"Ok well, now you know. Did you want to come get a book and read with me?"
Shy:"Yeah...mom what is this for (lifting up a perfume bottle)?"
Mom:"It's so I smell good." (mom goes back to reading)
Shy:"How do they make it?"
Mom:"I don't know remind me later and we'll google it!" (mom goes back to reading)
Shy:"What is this?"
Mom:(looking up from her magazine again)"It's make-up."
Shy:"This is make-up....What kind of make-up?"
Mom:"It's foundation I put it on before anything else to make my skin look good."
Shy:"Why?"
Mom:"I guess I just want to look my best."
Shy:"Why?"
Mom:"I don't know I guess I'm vain."

Now keep in mind by this time I'm really just wanting to get back to my reading, so I make the mistake of answering a question with a word my daughter may or may not understand hence my mistake....I left the door open to yet another question....I will spare you the rest of this conversation just know I have yet to finish reading that article, and the conversation lasted at least another 20 mins.

I dropped her off with her dad today...I've called her once since I dropped her off, but I've been dying to talk to her all day....silly mom! Though the quiet is nice....I totally miss my girl like crazy!


Finally me....I'm doing great I'm missing my family, but I'm totally not taking them for granted either, absence has that effect! I am packing....still....not as aggressively as I once was, but I am still pluggin away at it....I cannot wait to be done with the move settled in and enjoying our new house....well new to us!! we still have a ton of stuff to do before the move actually takes place....and it looks like BigDaddy will be out of town working....again during the move, but once it is all done....the complete and utter joy of it all being done will wash over me like waves of absolute satisfaction! I'm pretty excited! Shy has camp in July...Girl Scout that is....volley-ball camp was earlier this month...I took some awesome pics that I can't wait to scrap....after the move....my scrap supplies are all packed away....for now....after the move I will have an entire scrap room....not just a space or an area....an entire room....color me tickled pink! Anywho...so this year at G.S. camp Shy will be going by herself....it will be the first time she's been to overnight camp....I am a little freaked out, but being an admitted overly protected and overbearing mother I think it will be good for her....and me....a reluctant me, but yes me as well. We also have Shy's birthday and Mall madness the same day....Shy's birthday theme will be flip-flop's this year....I have all kinds of flip-flop related arts and crafts and giveaways....all to be done while were locked in the mall!! I'm really excited last year at mall madness, we discovered it was the perfect opportunity to get an entire new school and fall wardrobe....the sales are incredible...they get to get rid of stock and we get to cash in....most of the clothes are fall, or summer....but I think that's perfect...we usually buy everything a bit big and Shy is still wearing this summer clothes we bought her at mall madness last summer....Of course their will also be the crafts projects I have for the girls to do and cake....I am nixing the ice-cream, but I am planning of having a 3 tierd....wedding cake style cake...should be fabulous!


Well I think that pretty much catches everyone up on all our going's on....we'll talk to you all soon...Blessed BE!

Change.....

I was talking to a very young friend tonight when I found myself admitting something to her...I hate change...I told her....I am better at it 'cuse I'm older and unfortunately increase in age is the cause of much change....but I still hate it...now don't misunderstand...I appreciate change...I understand it....hell I've even asked for it....yearned for it....implored it to come....yet it always seems it's a long time into the new before I get my feet back in a comfortable place....before my level of confidence is fully restored. After our talk I began to think....nay....ponder this query....why am I so totally wanton of change yet still so fearful of it.... is this something we grow out of in time or is this a personality trait like....always being the class clown or being a rejection junkie....I wander if the changes in my life have been more toward the negative than the positive....perhaps that's why I am still so uneasy about it. For instance I have had a book in my head since I was in my twenties....now although I have always had superior maturity to my peers of age....even I didn't have the stability to actually write it in my twenties....this book has come up again and again lately....I've had dreams about it...I have daydreamed and seen myself writing it....I know I have the talent to write it I know if I did it well it would go somewhere....at least that's what I tell myself....so why haven't I done it...I'm scared when I write it...well what if it's all that's kept my head full all these years...what will happen to my inner thoughts when the story is actually out on paper and not inside me anymore...I have turned to this memoir for everything from something to do when I'm in the line at the grocery store to using it as a mental sanctuary during times of horror. Even as I write this blog entry I know it sounds nuts and a weak reason but it's simply just the idea of change. A change of internal thought. Oh I don't know. I'm at this time in my life once again hoping for change...once again imploring it to come into being....maybe....just maybe....this time I won't have as long an adjustment time as I have had in the past....maybe...hopefully!

Our Wonderful Day!

Oh we had such a wonderful day! We started by going shopping....what great day doesn't begin this way! We got Shy a new swim suit...It's too adorable....and very patriotic I might add....she also got three really great outfits! In large part to BigDaddy who was working the floor while I handled the dressing room....after doing things like shopping for her clothes and swimsuits by myself for so long I had never realized how wonderful it could be to have help....anyone who knows me knows I am not one of those...spend all day in the store or five different stores finding three really great outfits...kinda girl. I am much happier going in getting lucky and getting out. Today was a dream shopping trip for me...she choose three suits we tried them all on and told her to pick her favorite...it literally took 15mins to get the suit...Whoo Hoo...then she tried on three pairs of pants so we knew what size to go after and away we went a quick stop on the way out for a new pair of flip flops to match the new suit...a summer must have...and we were on our way!! Voila...my idea of a perfect and successful shopping trip!

Then my part of the day....for Easter this year we got Shy a gift card for a pedi and mani...one of her most favorite activities in the world...however she was grounded on Easter and for weeks afterward...part of the now infamous...we can walk anywhere we want to even if we were told no and no one knows were going or where were going incident....the first weekend she was ungrounded she was with her father and the next weekend J came and stayed for the weekend, so we finally got to it this weekend....It was amazing I just love my ultimate pedi....the massage chair, the warm water, my mp3 in my ear, the massage, the hot rocks, the warm towel, the scratchy rubby stuff, the exotic and intoxicating smell of the lotions, the finale of the uber cute toes...ahhhh I can not tell you how happy this simply yet luxurious act makes me feel...I believe pedi's are proof the Goddess loves us and wants us to be happy. Shy was right next to me getting her pedi on as well she was sooo cute she kept looking over at me and then laying her head back and closing her eyes....she was really getting into it...I love that my girl knows these kind of small yet wonderful little pleasures of life....her future husband in screwed!

Then our nails I went with a totally unlike me color and I am quite happy with it! BigDaddy described it as too bubble gum like for me....it's not bubble gum color it's darker but it is a bit lighter than I usually go...my usual is black...so I was thrilled that I liked the way it looked. I have been doing my nails so long I see it more as maintenance than a sheer joy but when Shy is with me her excitement is catching...so even simple maintenance was relaxing and joyful today.

After our spa session we headed off to spend some attention on BigDaddy who can be even worse to shop for than Shy. Unlike the norm this also went really well and in about 30mins we were out the door. We got home after visiting some friends. Shy was quite bored and asked me to play a game with her....a Hannah Montana CD game. I being the attentive and fun loving mom that I am agreed....so after I did some quick updates on my many blogs and scrap sites, I sat down and began the game before this thing was over I was dancing to Hannah Montana music like I was a ballerina, singing Hannah Montana with Shy as a duet as loud as possible and acting out words such as paparazzi and band! Shy was thrilled and I am never above making myself look like an ass to impress my kid! We had a wonderful dinner....discussing our days and the upcoming inevitable leaving of BigDaddy. Then decided we would start a game of Monopoly on Sun. that should take us through Mon.

So all in all it really was an incredibly wonderful day...while Shy nor I are looking forward to BigDaddy being gone I'm glad were a strong enough family unit that we make the most of the time we have. Even though all is not rosy all the time days like today remind me to keep loving, laughing, singing, and cherishing this most precious of all our many blessings....Each Other!