A menacing task.

I have a friend....she is one of those beautiful souls that one doesn't come across very often in life. She is smart funny and has a wonderful way of putting everything into perspective for me. She really is a great person. She is also, however, under the influence of a not so great man.

This man is the kind of man that we mothers of daughters pray our girls never come across and if they should we pray they are strong enough to deflect them. He's the kind that knows just exactly what to say to make women do what ever he wants them to. This man has 10...count them...10... children spread out all over the U.S. Most of them he has absolutely no relationship with at all. He pays child support on 1of them. He can talk his way out of a paper bag. The weirdest thing about it all is he's not good looking. I'm not the only one who thinks so. This man has come in to her life gotten her pregnant and then left her with a small child twice. He decided just before the last child he wanted nothing to do with her because he had other women he preferred to spend time with, or lie to and bull shit, then the day after the birth he has come back.

So my friend has gotten mixed up with this man and has 3 of his children herself. The newest one just arrived last night via emergency c-section. He is currently in the n.i.c.u. and will be there for awhile, he is healthy and breathing on his own he's just a month early, and therefore needs extra special care. He only weighs 4lbs 9oz. He's a very small but beautiful little guy. My friend had to be all, but cut in half to get this small miracle here. As I said above this man has conveniently returned, just in time to convince my friend she needs him more than ever now. I love my friend she has always been a source of comfort and joy to me reminding me when I needed it that it's not that bad. I am now, unfortunately, faced with the menacing task of simply saying "I can't help you anymore if he is with you and you are still going to allow him to continue treating you in this way." This decision is harder said than done. She does need the extra help her friends provide and I want so much to be a help, yet we have all expressed our feelings and fears to her about his constant back and forth, and the effect it will have on her and the children. She has refused to see that she can do it herself, with small help from friends. In a sense she has refused to help herself and therefore has made it impossible to allow anyone else to help her.
I wish her and all of her children nothing but the best and I will always be her friend, I just cannot always be her enabler.