No middle ground in sight.

I have hurt and been hurt. Alot lately so it would seem, and no matter how many attempts to communicate it seems to get no better, there seems to be no middle ground in sight. I am currently in a situation with 3 yes 3 of the most important people to me. Each one thinks I am being aloof and unavailable, they each seem to feel that the only problems I have are with them. They don't know of the situation with each other and therefore they have no idea i'm dealing with anything but them on an individual basis. Chet doesn't even know about 1. I don't want to fight anymore with anyone. I don't want to argue with my daughter to eat her vegetables any more. I don't want to have to deal with the non-parenting style of my ex-husband, I don't want everything with my fiancees family to be a fight and I don't want to disagree with my boss at every turn. I want to plan my wedding and have a good time doing it. I want to be happy about the situation and enjoy what there is left to do. I didn't choose to do it all with just Chet, but thats the way it is so I just want to adjust and be happy with it. Perhaps this random thought has more to do with me and less with everyone else. I look into the eyes of children everyday and wonder why can't it just be that simple. You get up you get changed you eat you play you work you learn you eat you go to bed and look forward to doing it all again the next day. I know theres no way it can ever be that simple but it would be nice. I am learning I suck at communication. I think I'm not heard maybe because I don't talk. Maybe I get hurt because I'm to sensitive. Maybe I'm missunderstood because I don't communicate thoroughly. I hate that Chet is the only one that gets me. I hate that all that pressure is on him. I picture that he must sit around hearing me talk and then think to himself "now I have to go explain her to them, so they don't missunderstand." I am not a monster. I am not out to ruin the lives of everyone around me, and yet the more I try to communicate the worse it all gets. I wish it could all just stay at surface level, I wish I didn't let my thoughts go any deeper that others wouldn't let my words go any deeper. I wish my actions were not scrutinized to the extreme, and I wish I could learn the art of forgiveness. I mean real forgiveness true forgiveness the kind I read about. The kind that allows a person to breathe a sigh of relief and sleep at night. I only know that I don't or am unable to understand how to. I have let a great many people go in my life and the ability to do so comes easy. Most likely because its always been easier to walk away and forget than to forgive. If given the chance I would still choose to just walk away from my family, it still just makes the most sense. I try to approach everything in a realistic and sensible manner and I find that offends people, they assume its negativity on my part. I haven't been able to live in the fairy land of optimism for a long time. Is it wrong for me to expect people I come in contact with to accept this about me. I do have hopes and dreams. I do want the best for everyone, I can't however rely on the hope alone to make those things happen. It takes action to create reaction. I didn't make that the rule it just is. I do accept and try to live with it. Being the bad guy all the time is getting old. Being the voice of reason all the time is tiring. However I see no one around me who is willing to take the job over. There is no middle ground in sight. I am who I am and I can't or won't change. I am human and therefore imperfect in every way. I make the wrong decisions on a daily basis and I say the wrong things constantly, I'm sure I'm doing it right now. But thats who I am. I know how to survive, I don't know how to please I only know how to come out of a situation with the majority of my mind still intact. I can let something go unoticed by me for so long most people would think I didn't even notice. I'm hard to please but thats because I live in reality and its not easy or pretty most of the time. After all of this rambling of self discover I come to same conclusion I had when I started. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to fight. I don't want to constantly doubt and second guess my own thoughts and actions. I want to be understood and I want to be loved. I want to live in peace and take the time to enjoy the people and world around me. I don't know how to fix what is broken and I choose not to take the time right now to wallow in finding a solution. I just need to live for awhile, and hope that all will fix itself in time. I see no middle ground, the compromise that would end all the situations escapes me.