Hope for the future

So a lot of the stresses about money have relaxed, but I still feel worn. I can't seem to make anybody understand why I am so stressed and demanding. Its more than just "the bride" syndrome. I've done this before I know what it takes to make a marriage a good one. I've seen a great many examples. I have also personally experienced a not so great one. I know or at least believe in my heart we have what it takes to make it. Were both going into this wiser than most. We understand that a great marriage doesn't happen overnight and doesn't mean I always like you, or even that I always wanna be with you. It does mean I always love you, and after my mood lifts I will wanna be with you again. I read a quote that said "Marriage means falling in love again and again, always with the same person." I believe this with my whole heart. So because I have this infinite wisdom in my cranium I do want everything this time that the last time wasn't. I want to dance at my wedding I want to have a wonderful honeymoon I want a dinner I want to be the belle of the ball. I just want it beautiful and perfect. Is that to much to ask? I think not are only uppity wealthy debutante socialites allowed to have the picture perfect weddings? Where is it in the rule book, if your paying for it yourself and you work a blue collar job that you have to have a crappy unmemorable special day? As I continually remind everyone around me "It's my special fucking day and I'm a special fucking princess." I stole that quote from someone who used to be very important to me. I'm not trying to sound like I'm complaining, really I'm not who knows it may all turn out perfect. It may just be that all the details are taken care of and now my biggest worry is that all will happen as I have pictured in my head. Let's hope anyway. Oh the whole point of this is the reason why it's so important to me is because this is the first large milestone of our lives together, and I want it to be one of the best memories we share. I want this wedding and honeymoon to be something we look back on and say "we did it our way and it was perfect." I have the guy I have the ring I have my daughter, if the wedding happens as I hope, all that's left is the house and a very small very adorable yorkie, and a very large and very sweet english mastiff, then sit back and just keep livin! That's what I'm working toward make all the dreams come true, and sit back and just keep livin! L-I-V-I-N!! Never forgetting to smell the roses, kiss the kids, make love passionately, laugh, smile, and love!