A long hard look at friendships.....or lack there of!

When I was younger I believed that friendships were fun, and easy. I believed that if someone wasn't fun then there was no point in our being friends. I believed that if this other person added something to me we were good friends. I believed if I could be myself around them, then they were good for me and were a true friend.

I'm not so young now and I don't believe what or like I used to. I no longer believe friendships are supposed to be fun and easy. I no longer believe that someone who isn't fun isn't worth having as a friend. I no longer someone has to add something to me to be a good friend. I no longer believe being allowed to be myself around someone means they are a good, and true friend.

I have discovered most of the attributes I used to believe defined a friendship, I have found in some of my most cunning enemies. People who put up a guise, and let me believe all the things I had since I was young. Its hard to spot these people and I am sure there are so many more I have yet to even discover in my life. It makes me wonder though. When did I stop believing? When was it this massive realization hit me? Was it a person? A few people perhaps? Or just another coming of age cliche' something that everyone comes to realize in their own time? I think back to all of the "friends" I've had in my life and I can pinpoint almost exactly every time they hurt, or let me down. Yet some of these people I still call my friends to this day. Ahhh, but alas, I can also name a group of people who have been my "friend" for a very short time and have done me no disloyalty. Is it just a matter of time? Does every "friend" we have disappoint, hurt, anger, or let us down? Is it perhaps that we have skewed the idea of friendship to a point that it is so blurred we no longer understand what the true definition is?

And then there's me. How many people have called me a friend just to be hurt or angered or disappointed or let down? How many people have I been disloyal to under the guise of being their "friend"? If I knew it, would I think I was justified in doing these things? Is it ok to be hurtful because you have been hurt? If I was never as good a "friend" as I thought was, is it right to expect someone to be a great "friend" to me? I look at my daughter today and I see her with her childhood "friends" some of them I just get the feeling she will know forever. Others I want to warn her about. Not that I think they will hurt or anger her but I fear they will disappoint her. I feel just by knowing where they come from and how they were raised you can begin to see what kind of "friend" they will be. So why can't I see that with people I bring into my own life? Why are their guises so much harder to see through and protect myself against?

Now I believe a true friend tells me how it is even if I don't like it, though always knows when I need to be lied for my own good. I believe I can be myself though a good friend, would tell me when I'm not being the best me I can be. I believe a good friendship is one that can allow you to not see or speak to each other for years and yet when you do it's as if no time has passed. I believe a friendship is not always fun, we see each other through hard and sad and scary times to. I believe a person who is good for me doesn't need to add anything to me, because they think I'm great as is. I believe I have very few friends who fit this description. And as I reread what I have written the number of "friends" I believed I had when I started this blog has reduced......greatly. I believe that's sad.......but it's what I believe.

I believe to be a good friend I need to know when a friend is hurting and be willing to put aside any issues I may have about anything to be there for them. I believe I need to add nothing to them, if I call myself their "friend" I already love them and their shortcomings. I believe I don't always have to make it fun as long as I make it real. I believe sometimes they as their friend I have to be honest, unless they need lied to for their own sake. I believe it's ok if our lives take different paths as long as I try to stay connected in some way and make them know I'm here. I believe I have not always been a good "friend", but I can always try harder.