Family fun night!

We had an awesome family fun night! It was such a beautiful night, and on Weds afternoon Shy came home with a note from the school about a family movie night in the high school auditorium...the idea of a cold slice of pizza overpriced bottled water, and a cheesy family movie with 75 or 80 other people, just didn't sound like a good way for all of us to enjoy a perfect long overdue family night. I told Shy..."If I can come up with something more fun than that for us to do will you not be upset about not going to this?" She agreed, so we let her vote and she chose what we did tonight! We ate at this amazing Mongolian BBQ place...Then headed over to All Star Sports to play in the Arcade and Play some mini golf! We finished the evening off with a quick drive thru to Dairy Queen, to grab an ice cream cone! I've set up a slide and put some new pics on flickr! I choose a greenday song because Shy is really into greenday right now!

Finally....the rest of the story!

I have been eagerly awaiting the posting of this blog for literally months now. Some of you have e-mailed or facebooked me wondering what the deal is with Mr. Right adopting mini-me, so here goes the whole lengthy story. For those of you that have heard it all you may just want to skip this blog entry!

So it all started a in early October....it may have been September, I didn't write down the dates of such events, and I'm horrible with time, so if the time's don't match up please forgive me. Any way sometime in Sept. or Oct. mini-me came home from her....hmmm we'll call him "Bozo" so she came home from Bozo's very upset. She was crying and I was irate....this was not the first time this had happened....as the universe would have it, this would be the Last time this happened. After calming her down and alerting Mr. Right we had a problem we sat and talked with her. She was not immediately forthcoming, she was scared Bozo would get in trouble if she told what had happened, so when the story came out this is what happened. Mini-me went to Bozo's house for the evening as usual she hadn't been staying the night with him during the week for quite awhile due to a new job he had, she was just going there after school and then coming home after dinner. Apparently this particular evening Bozo decided to make mini-me sit by herself at the kitchen table to eat her dinner while the rest of his "new family" and himself all ate in the living room together. Mini-me was mortified. Any one who knows her knows she is a very sensitive little person, therefore it reason's this would upset her.

As we were talking to her she used "feeling" words I had never heard her use. I began to wonder where she had picked them up. She said things like, I feel like I don't belong there, like I'm not wanted, like I'm in the way, like I'm not part of the family. I being the mom I am was infuriated, thanks to my amazing Mr. Right however, I did not have the explosive blowout with Bozo I am famous for. We called him and asked him to stop by after we put mini-me to bed. He said she was doing her homework at the table so he just told her to stay there and eat, he did not mean to make her feel "left out". I explained that he had made her feel that way, he then said perhaps she shouldn't come to his house in the evenings anymore. We agreed. Fast forward a couple of weeks to Halloween, it was Bozo's year to take her around for the annual "candy gathering" Mr. Right and I got her all ready make-up and all (She was Cleopatra) and had her ready to go when Bozo got here. We decided since they would be gone for awhile we would go have some dinner and then meet them back at the house. I texted Bozo and let him know where we were eating in case he needed to get a hold of us for some reason, thinking to myself the whole time, they won't be back until after dark. After all there is the walking to all the businesses downtown and then the knocking on doors after. So Mr. Right and I headed to dinner. No less than 30mins after we had watched Bozo and mini-me walk off towards downtown did he show up at the restaurant we were having dinner at. He dropped of mini-me and drove off....no reason why, no asking if he could take her around to other houses....he didn't even wait to make sure she found us in the restaurant. Again I was infuriated, here was the opportunity to spend some time with his child alone, just the two of them to catch up and mend some fences. Yet in less than an hour he had done what he says was his "fatherly duty" and was off to his "new family". Mini-me was again very upset...she said she had asked him to take her to some houses and to the park, all he said was "ask your mom to take you". Mr. Right and I decided it was more important for us to make sure our mini-me had a wonderful night than to fight about the pathetic choices Bozo made. So we took our girl around to some houses and to the park. In the park she found some friends to run around with while we were, talking with some friends of ours, after all small town Halloween night you tend to run into a lot of people you know and haven't seen in awhile. So when the night was over and mini-me had been properly de-cleopatraed...I know it's not a word...but it's the action! lol We all settled down and watched a movie till she fell asleep and then Mr. Right and I had a long talk, we decided I could no longer try to tell Bozo how to be a father, I had been giving him clues, and more than once Mr. Right and I had given him the tools to attempt to be a better father, obviously all to no avail. So we agreed I wouldn't even talk to him about it.

I believe it was about two weeks later when the letter arrived. There was a knock on the door, I answered it, it was the mail person, I thought it was one of my scrap winnings packages...alas that would have been a pleasant experience. No this was a certified letter, from Bozo saying simply "I have talked to a lawyer who says to give up all my rights as a father you have to file adoption papers and I will sign them. Do not call or text me, I will not answer." Needless to say I was in shock. My first thought was how exactly does someone call themselves a father for 10 yrs and then wake up one day and decide they don't want to be one anymore? How does one just walk away from a child as if it's a dog they are giving away? I won't get into what I was feeling or the words I was yelling as I walked around the house trying to find something to distract my mind with. Later that evening I showed the letter to Mr. Right and we got a chance to discuss it after mini-me went to bed. It was decided at that point I would call our lawyer and get his advice. I did so the next day...of course it was a few days before he got back to me. Once he did he explained we basically had two choices, Mr. Right could adopt her, or I could go to court argue and slam Bozo with a huge child support payment every month...each choice had it's own pros and con's...after all I didn't know if Mr. Right wanted to adopt mini-me...we had never discussed it, he was as much a dad as he could be he knew what she was doing in school knew her teacher's knew her friends paid for her and carried insurance on her for the last two years...as far as the definition of dad he fit it so much more than Bozo did, but adoption is a whole different ball game. On the other hand if Bozo had to pay child support mini-me would be forced to continue seeing him and being at his house. Which she had expressed during the talk about the dinner incident she no longer wanted to do.

Now we all know I live and breath for my family, my mini-me is my breath of life and my Mr. Right is my heart, so I am slightly ashamed to admit, I was a bit scared to talk to him that evening about what the lawyer had said. I won't go into detail here about our conversation, I will say we decided it was ultimately mini-me's choice. I am not a fan of leaving huge life altering decisions to young children, however this was a situation where I just could not in good conscience make this choice with out knowing how she felt. So we showed her the letter, and told her what it meant and explained to her the choices and then told her she didn't have to choose what to do now she could think about it for awhile, we explained once she made the choice she couldn't change her mind. We explained the details of what each choice would mean in the long run and immediately. She took no time at all and through her tear stained face and red puffy eyes said clearly "I want BigDaddy to adopt me" I didn't want to get to excited after all when she looked at Mr. Right I knew he could always say no. Of course that was not his response, his response was something like "I would love to."

It took a lot longer to get all the paperwork and things together than we had hoped. We were hoping to have it all done in court before the first of the year. However as I said it took a bit longer. There were many conversations and questions from mini-me in the weeks preceding the proceedings, she had questions about Bozo, and BigDaddy. She was always very excited that her name would be changed and her name would match ours. The closer the actual date got, the more nervous I got, the more excited she became...needless to say it did this mother's heart good to know she was not only wanting this change, but that she was eager for it. She began to write her "new" last name on her school papers in Jan. It was adorable when I asked her why she was writing it she said "she was practicing and getting everyone else used to it." The weekend before we went to court she had a sleepover. I had purchased a few different iron-on's and a t-shirt for each girl so they could make their own shirts...mini-me made the cutest shirt just a Celtic cross on the front and on the back "Miss Turner" it really made me smile...and I dare say it made Mr. Right pretty happy as well.

Finally it was the big day! We got up early and got ready we went to Wellington and had breakfast...which was really good though I don't know if I tasted much of it. Then off to the courthouse to do the deed. We went into the courtroom and I sat on the first bench behind the lawyers tables. Mini-me and Mr. Right and the lawyer sat at the tables, the judge spoke to mini-me asked her what grade she was in and if she was excited, she spoke to him though it was at a bit lower volume level than normal. Mr. Right was asked to take the stand and about 5 mins later the judge and the court reporter were saying congratulations! I would have cried, but the looks on Mr. Right and mini-me's face was of elation and all I could feel was happy...I took a couple of photo's of the two of them in the hallway while we were waiting for copies of the decree.

Later that night after Mr. Right was unexpectedly called away to help a friend in need. I was putting mini-me to bed, she said "Mom I'm really tired tonight" I replied "I bet you are it's not everyday a girl gets a dad" She smiled really big and said "I got the best dad to" fighting back a tear and a heart so full it had to weigh a thousand pounds I said "Yes you did princess, yes you did" then I told her again I love you night night, walked into the hall closing the door behind me and taking a deep breath....all the feelings I had been feeling over everything in last few months blew away with that breath...a sense of peace and calm came over me I sent a huge thank you out to the universe.

So this is how it all happened, this is how mini-me became a Turner. This is how our once blended family became just a family. This is how a mother got just for a second the luxury of knowing her child was okay. This is how a man got a second chance at being a father. This is how the Turner family became one. This is just one more chapter in what I'm sure will be the great American novel that is our life...Our Family!

I just want to end this blog by saying some of our friends and family knew all along what was going on. Some of them know more of the horrible way mini-me was treated by Bozo, please don't misunderstand I am not letting any of it slide by...I just chose to "focus on the joy of the situation". To those friends and family I must send out a huge thank you! We can never tell you all how much your support and love and kindness has meant to us! We love all of you!

Until next time Be well!

Still coming to terms with who I am!

I have been wanting to sit down and type up this blog for awhile now...however I have been avoiding it, for reason's that will become clear later. I had the rare, but always welcome and wonderful treat of having a long conversation with my bestie recently. Actually it was almost a month ago, but you get the idea. Between family, work, kids, and life in general it's not very often that we get to sit and have a long heart to heart. So this particular evening was a treat for both of us.

We, both being mothers, always talk about the children. We also end up talking about my Mr. Right, and her love interest. On this particular night however there was one subject in particular, I want to relate to you. I was complaining about something, no doubt I have absolutely no reason to complain about anything, being a woman however I can always find something! So I'm complaining about something or someone, and my bestie looks at me and says "Monica not everyone has the ability to just cut someone out of their life". Now I sat for a min and thought about this... Surely this statement, can't be true. Don't get me wrong I have heard many things about myself that I don't like to hear, but I have to admit to them...mostly 'cause they happen to be true. For instance I have often heard I'm loud...this is unfortunately true, I've heard I can be harsh with my opinion...also true, I've also heard I can be highly unforgiving...alas another truth. So I am not one of those people who has these bad habits, and refuses to see herself for what she really is. I see myself, and though it may not seem like it, I am striving to be a better person. This bit of information, I was apparently not ready to hear.

Now I just want to explain, there aren't many people in the world I will hear unfavorable truths from, my husband, my daughter, and my bestie are pretty much it. So I think it made it a bit harder to hear because it was she that said it.

So, we finished our conversation and I went home, with this nagging thought in the back of my head the entire time. Fast forward a week or more later, my Mr. Right, as I like to refer to him, and I were having a conversation. It was a deep and in depth conversation, some how it came back around to what my bestie had said. I told him I had never thought of it the way she put it and I was sure it wasn't to the degree she had implied it was. Then my amazingly wonderful Mr. Right said "Name one person who has ever broken your heart, that is still around. You have a way of erasing people from your life." I literally sat with my mouth agape. I mean two different people in just a couple of weeks both make the same observation about a personality defect I have, one that I guess I just never saw as a negative.

I guess I just thought that's what you were supposed to do, someone hurts you, you just make them go away...you just make them disappear. You move forward with your life, you don't forget, you just move forward allowing time to take care of the pain and my memories to give me the needed comfort of the missing friend, mother, dad, sister, brother, boyfriend, grandparent or other missing element. I never thought of it in the harsh light it is taken as. I have experienced this on the other end, as well. I have been erased. I have been removed from some one's life to the point of barely being recognized when we happen to run into each other. I know what it feels like. It doesn't feel any better from either side. I guess the idea that you just fight it out with someone and make it through the difficulty never dawned on me.

It's not as if I have a constant revolving door of people that come and get "erased" out of my life. I think I will let someone hurt me, until I just won't anymore. I have always had the theory that a woman will take something for so long then she just won't take it anymore. I feel I live that theory. People who have disappeared or been "erased" by me have had numerous opportunities to redeem themselves. Weather they didn't succeed or just didn't want to or did redeem themselves, just to make the same mistakes over, I feel I can only let someone break my heart so many times. The definition of insanity is: Repeating the same action over and over again expecting different results. Therefore it stands to reason that a person who hurts you repeatedly probably will continue to do so for as long as you will allow them to. If one accepts the previously mentioned reasoning as common sense then the only option to stop the "insanity" is to cut all ties with the person doing the hurting if for no other reason than self preservation.

Please don't misunderstand I am not trying to justify my choices, or actions, nor am I trying to apologize for my actions or behavior, I believe I am just trying to help others to explain why I do the things I do. I hate the idea that someone would hesitate to be my friend or get close to me for fear of becoming the next "victim" of my need to eliminate people. I want to make it clear it's not a need it's just a way I protect myself from being destroyed due to the callous handling of my love, affection, or friendship by someone. I have been saying for years I am the strongest woman I know. Part of that, in my opinion, is having the ability to know as well as to act when, for my own survival and happiness, I have to remove a cancerous negativity from my life. I am not saying it's something I'm proud of, however I do think it speaks volumes to my need to be surrounded by positivity and people who are in my corner cheering for me not cutting me down at every given opportunity, or telling me how I will never be capable of anything more than what I can do or am at this moment.

So to wrap up my rant, yes I do tend to put an expiration date on people who choose to be negative or get a thrill when someone else is down and they can laugh or use it to their advantage. I am not saying I am the most wonderful person or friend in the world, 'cause believe me I'm not. I do strive though everyday to be a better person, mother, wife and friend. I am by no means any where near where I would love to be one day. I do believe that all I can do is keep trying and hope that one day I will be the woman I hope to become, one that my daughter will be proud to call her mom...one that my husband will be proud to call his wife...most importantly one that I will be proud to call myself.