At a loss for words!

I am so upset...and somewhat at a loss. My ex-husband has been planning a trip with his girlfriend to see her oldest daughter graduate from basic. When they first told dh and I about it we told them if it happened to be our week w/dd we would let her go with them if they wanted. The time has come they leave wed. and not only did my ex-not talk to my dd about it he didn't even tell her she wasn't going! Apparently dd heard his girlfriends son ask "is she going" pointing at dd....the answer she heard was no. Then they were at Wal-mart where everyone was picking out cup holders for the trip and when dd asked where they were going his girlfriends son told her she wasn't going....and that was it. No one explained to her why she wasn't going....no one told her why they were going....aaarrrrggghhhhh...I'm so angry. I held her last nite while she cried because she doesn't understand why she can't go. I being the big 'ol mean ass bitch that I am called the ex to tell him what an ass I thought he was and that he had broken our dd's heart. Like always he didn't seem to care other than about the fact that I was yet again making a big deal out of nothing. As If!! I'm her mother if it was some stupid little boy that had broken her heart I would know what to say....Like I would think most mothers of daughters I started planning out that speech when they said "it's a girl", but from her daddy....most all little girls put their daddy's on such a high pedestal anyway....So after my protective mother speech to my ex I came out of the bedroom....'cuse I didn't want her to hear that conversation....and my dh told me that she had made some interesting comments to him while I was out of the room. Apparently she told him....she didn't think it was fair that she wasn't going...it was supposed to be a family trip and she's part of the family....ok that just broke my heart....I know my dd's not stupid....believe me keeping up with her intelligent mind is half of my life's work....but for some reason I guess I was just leaning on the idea that she didn't think about it that much....that she didn't take it to that level....I don't know why but it bothered me all the more when I realized she did. I have noticed for awhile the difference in her dad's behavior not just where she is concerned but in him in general, I didn't think she had noticed anything though....I had a long serious conversation with her today after school and I have misjudged the situation totally....now please don't misunderstand I am a very attentive mother, I ask her all the time whats going on....how are things....is everything ok with you....I guess she just didn't feel the need to break it all down to me until today....but from what she told me today she has not only noticed a difference in her dad as well she feels he treats her differently....and not in the best of ways....as a mother I'm at a loss....I can only tell her so much and so much more she is gonna have to experience and decide on her own....I had hoped my dd would not have such grown up issues to deal with. I guess what they say is true....divorce is hell on the kids.

Week wrap up!

It's time for another wrap up of the week!

We still haven't found out about Chet's test. That pisses me off but Chet says they don't have to tell us at all they could just make us wait till the letter comes. That could take a couple of weeks. So for the sake of my sanity let's hope they tell him tomorrow or tue.

Other than that the word for the week is SICK that is what we have been here lately. It's going around really bad. Strep, sinus infection, and bronchitis are whats all around us. I think we just have colds but still it's not much fun. Shy hasn't gotten it yet so I'm totally thankful for that anyway. Chet and I have managed to stay on opposite sides of the "feeling shitty side" I felt really bad sat. He took wonderful care of me and by sat. evening I was feeling a bit better. He felt really bad sun. I was doing ok still not feeling great but good enough to try to take care of him.

Other than the lasting wonderment over the test and the lack of strong immune systems...it's all been pretty bland around here.

I did find out today that shy has brought all her grades up, and other than having trouble with graphs in math she is doing really well!

So here we go off to another week!

In the news!

So most everyone who knows me knows how much I hate the news. It's negativity is just something I prefer to live without on a daily basis. I have seen alot of conversations lately about an "in the news" story. I didn't know all the facts so I looked up all the video interviews and watched them. The story is about the mom who just had the octuplets.

As always when it comes to storys about fertility my opinion is not one of black and white, it's more of a grey. Listening to her interview I can understand her desire to have alot of children. I can understand her not wanting to throw the unused embryo's out. I can even understand that they had placed 6 embryo's before and she only came out with one child, so why would she think it would be different this time.

The facts as I know them are
* All the children were conceived using IVF
* All the children have the same father
* The father is not present in their lives
* The mother is unmarried
* The mother is unemployed
* The mother was living off of student loans
* The mother was recieving some government aid
* The mother has 6 other children (other than the octuplets)
* All the other children are aged 7 and under
* There are one set of twins all the other children are single births

Now there are more facts but these happen to be the one's I highlighted....all of these facts were taken from a dateline interview. She has a website set up so people can send donations and leave comments.

Now I have expressed what I understand about the situation.

Heres what I don't understand. Why not donate the viable embryo's to some wonderful people who can't make their own?
Why not wait until you have a feesable way to pay for all the children you want?
Why not just be thankful for the 6 healthy happy children you have already?

It's hard for me...to understand the latter of these the most. I know there have to be hundreds of women in the world like me who would want nothing more in life than to be able to have a child or 2 or 3. I would never presume to speak for all of us, but as for me. The option of having a "litter" of children is not only to far fetched to imagine it pains me to think some one does and may not be able to properly care for them. I'm not saying I'm the greatest mother or provider in the world....I just don't understand the concept of one having so much and so many others having so little. I'm sure their are hundreds of people in the world who have so much to give a child...and here this woman has 14 now and no idea how she's gonna pay for them...let alone show each one the attention and love it needs on a personal basis. I wish them all....the whole family all the love and blessings in the world...I just don't understand how some can be blessed with sooo much and others blessed with nothing. I myself was blessed with a child, but there are others who have not been so blessed. I wish them the best as well, I remember well the angst and want of the joy a child brings. I can't help but think a story like this would just add to frustration. So to all who may be experiencing the heartache of infertility, I could only say think positive, love often and know you will get your due in time.

This is the link to the dateline interviews.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/29063266#29129331

This is the link to her website.

http://www.thenadyasulemanfamily.com/

The week in review!

So just wanted to wrap this week up in a quick readers digest condensed version. Shy was with her father so I only talked to her all week, I did see her a couple of the days. She is doing so much better with her reading and school in general I am so super proud of her! Chet had a trying week he had to deal with some unhappy people and some uncooperative people at work, but he made it through. He took his test Sat. and I am more than confident he passed it...I can't even describe how confident I am it's just like I know....I don't know how I just know he passed it.

I helped my friend at her daycare this week and prepared for the upcoming girl scout meeting this week...or should I say meetings...we have a leader meeting this week and I can't begin to tell you what a waste of time I think of these things...but it's a necessity...so I to will make it through. I got to check out engagement rings and wedding sets with a friend this weekend, it was so super fun she chose a really beautiful wedding set...I just hope she really enjoys it.

That is pretty much the week in review. Talk to everyone next week!

Hmmm....well....

Okay so I haven't blogged in awhile....'cause there's nothing almost litteraly nothing going on... it has been a completely comfortable month.....which interestingly enough is...just what my tarot said it would be.

Shy's doing well in school. Chet's got a hell of a commute to work and home everyday, but it's all ok!

I've been scrapping like mad....I discovered sketches, and challenges and I am now addicted to both....but on a high note...my pages are getting much better...even when I'm not using a sketch!

I predict based on my tarot that feb. will be a month of feeling togetherness, and happiness in relationships!

I'm gonna try to start blogging every week! I don't know how long I can keep it up, but that's my goal...as well as get 4 lo's or cards done a week...and do a load of laundry everyday. There I said it we'll see it it happens.