I have learned...usually the hard way like everything else...that exhaustion true raw real exhaustion comes in lots of forms. For instance, you can be physically exhausted, you can be mentally exhausted, you can exhaust your patience, you can exhaust your vocal ability, you can even exhaust yourself emotionally, not to mention you can exhaust your welcome, your credit card, or even your hairstyle.
As a woman, it is my belief women spend a great part of our lives exhausted in one form or another. We exhaust ourselves repeatedly telling everything to our children at least a few billion time's in their lives. We exhaust ourselves telling small white lies no one ever knows about and keeping them straight..."yes I would love to help you move...No I don't think he's weird at all...no I completely understand why you have to ditch lunch with me to hang out with someone you think is cooler...yes dear I'm totally into sex tonight...I absolutely think I'm the sexiest woman alive...of course my children are the smartest, funniest, best looking people on the planet...I could go on and on.
We exhaust ourselves volunteering for every extra curricular activity our children may choose to engage in scouts, music lessons, sports. We exhaust ourselves trying to be there for our friends through all their drama with children and significant others...even when sometimes we have our own issues. We exhaust our emotions both where our children and our husbands are concerned. We exhaust ourselves physically keeping up with our children, husband, house, and selves, after all the hair the shaving the makeup the exercise...doesn't all do itself. Yes it is my belief that in some way or another women are always exhausted.
I can't speak for all kinds of women...as for myself I can say I honestly and sincerely don't ever remember knowing someone had my back, like I could just let go...like I could just relax and let someone else take over...I don't know if it's a lack of trust or just a control issue...prolly both...I said I was exhausted not simple. Or if perhaps it's just because every time I've tried that I always got the inevitable "Can you..or We need you...or Will you just.."
Ahhh to the point...I have the feeling lately...I am exhausted in all cases and then some. I feel as if no matter what I do or how hard I try...there's always more...and it's just waiting for me to get around to it. Mostly because there's no one else to do it. I do think I am my own worst enemy though...I mean if a magic bean grew into another me...well perhaps a thinner better looking me with a great tan...would I allow her to assist...would I give up some of the need to control everything...would I trust she could handle it the best way possible with an even tempered head and a professional manner...or would I simply let her relax on a tropical beach somewhere while I convinced myself I have to do it all myself?
I honestly don't know...I do know I'm exhausted...mentally, physically, emotionally, verbally...and any other ally...you can think of.
Well that's enough complaining for now...I have to finish the laundry and pack for the lake and do the nightly picking up in preparation for tomorrow. Then I need to get a shower and watch my show and go to bed...so I can rest up for the next day's exhaustion.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Exhaustion
Monday, June 7, 2010
Farewell Willow.
I had gotten up way to early it was about 4am...I was not having an enjoyable sleep...due to some nasty mesquito bites and other things...I finally made it back to bed just as the intense..."I'm up way to early and still really sleepy" feeling hit me. About 15 mins after I went back to bed we heard a bang and then what sounded like a train...we both said "What the hell was that"? After checking on Shy who at that min was still sleeping. We grabbed a couple of cigs and headed out to see what happened. I knew before we went out it was the willow tree. It sounded like it was going to come through the roof over our bedroom...sure enough it was the willow tree...unfortunately all the love and care we have been showering on her since we moved in are for not. She was literally uprooted from the ground...Now the work begins...we have to get her down...were hoping to use whats left of her for fire wood this winter. I am truly saddened by this. I adored that tree...She was so large and beautiful. So now the clean up.
