Change.....

I was talking to a very young friend tonight when I found myself admitting something to her...I hate change...I told her....I am better at it 'cuse I'm older and unfortunately increase in age is the cause of much change....but I still hate it...now don't misunderstand...I appreciate change...I understand it....hell I've even asked for it....yearned for it....implored it to come....yet it always seems it's a long time into the new before I get my feet back in a comfortable place....before my level of confidence is fully restored. After our talk I began to think....nay....ponder this query....why am I so totally wanton of change yet still so fearful of it.... is this something we grow out of in time or is this a personality trait like....always being the class clown or being a rejection junkie....I wander if the changes in my life have been more toward the negative than the positive....perhaps that's why I am still so uneasy about it. For instance I have had a book in my head since I was in my twenties....now although I have always had superior maturity to my peers of age....even I didn't have the stability to actually write it in my twenties....this book has come up again and again lately....I've had dreams about it...I have daydreamed and seen myself writing it....I know I have the talent to write it I know if I did it well it would go somewhere....at least that's what I tell myself....so why haven't I done it...I'm scared when I write it...well what if it's all that's kept my head full all these years...what will happen to my inner thoughts when the story is actually out on paper and not inside me anymore...I have turned to this memoir for everything from something to do when I'm in the line at the grocery store to using it as a mental sanctuary during times of horror. Even as I write this blog entry I know it sounds nuts and a weak reason but it's simply just the idea of change. A change of internal thought. Oh I don't know. I'm at this time in my life once again hoping for change...once again imploring it to come into being....maybe....just maybe....this time I won't have as long an adjustment time as I have had in the past....maybe...hopefully!

Our Wonderful Day!

Oh we had such a wonderful day! We started by going shopping....what great day doesn't begin this way! We got Shy a new swim suit...It's too adorable....and very patriotic I might add....she also got three really great outfits! In large part to BigDaddy who was working the floor while I handled the dressing room....after doing things like shopping for her clothes and swimsuits by myself for so long I had never realized how wonderful it could be to have help....anyone who knows me knows I am not one of those...spend all day in the store or five different stores finding three really great outfits...kinda girl. I am much happier going in getting lucky and getting out. Today was a dream shopping trip for me...she choose three suits we tried them all on and told her to pick her favorite...it literally took 15mins to get the suit...Whoo Hoo...then she tried on three pairs of pants so we knew what size to go after and away we went a quick stop on the way out for a new pair of flip flops to match the new suit...a summer must have...and we were on our way!! Voila...my idea of a perfect and successful shopping trip!

Then my part of the day....for Easter this year we got Shy a gift card for a pedi and mani...one of her most favorite activities in the world...however she was grounded on Easter and for weeks afterward...part of the now infamous...we can walk anywhere we want to even if we were told no and no one knows were going or where were going incident....the first weekend she was ungrounded she was with her father and the next weekend J came and stayed for the weekend, so we finally got to it this weekend....It was amazing I just love my ultimate pedi....the massage chair, the warm water, my mp3 in my ear, the massage, the hot rocks, the warm towel, the scratchy rubby stuff, the exotic and intoxicating smell of the lotions, the finale of the uber cute toes...ahhhh I can not tell you how happy this simply yet luxurious act makes me feel...I believe pedi's are proof the Goddess loves us and wants us to be happy. Shy was right next to me getting her pedi on as well she was sooo cute she kept looking over at me and then laying her head back and closing her eyes....she was really getting into it...I love that my girl knows these kind of small yet wonderful little pleasures of life....her future husband in screwed!

Then our nails I went with a totally unlike me color and I am quite happy with it! BigDaddy described it as too bubble gum like for me....it's not bubble gum color it's darker but it is a bit lighter than I usually go...my usual is black...so I was thrilled that I liked the way it looked. I have been doing my nails so long I see it more as maintenance than a sheer joy but when Shy is with me her excitement is catching...so even simple maintenance was relaxing and joyful today.

After our spa session we headed off to spend some attention on BigDaddy who can be even worse to shop for than Shy. Unlike the norm this also went really well and in about 30mins we were out the door. We got home after visiting some friends. Shy was quite bored and asked me to play a game with her....a Hannah Montana CD game. I being the attentive and fun loving mom that I am agreed....so after I did some quick updates on my many blogs and scrap sites, I sat down and began the game before this thing was over I was dancing to Hannah Montana music like I was a ballerina, singing Hannah Montana with Shy as a duet as loud as possible and acting out words such as paparazzi and band! Shy was thrilled and I am never above making myself look like an ass to impress my kid! We had a wonderful dinner....discussing our days and the upcoming inevitable leaving of BigDaddy. Then decided we would start a game of Monopoly on Sun. that should take us through Mon.

So all in all it really was an incredibly wonderful day...while Shy nor I are looking forward to BigDaddy being gone I'm glad were a strong enough family unit that we make the most of the time we have. Even though all is not rosy all the time days like today remind me to keep loving, laughing, singing, and cherishing this most precious of all our many blessings....Each Other!

The last day.

It's the last day of school and while I don't get upset and cry about it, I do get somewhat sentimental and mushy. The last day that means another year has gone by. That means Summer is here, it's time for trips to the pool, weekends at the lake, volleyball camp, volleyball, Girl Scout camp, mall madness, Shy's birthday and a tentatively planned family vacation. I look back at the friends she's had since kindergarten, the new one's she made this year. The strides and bounds she made with her grades. She fabulous school pictures. I get kinda sad. I have always been told that once they start school the time just flies by. It has. I can remember her first day of preschool. I remember her excitement over learning to tie her shoes the summer before kindergarten. How much we have appreciated the teachers she's been blessed enough to have. How much she has matured and grown in the last year. It's over, a whole other year....gone with wind....I remember her first day of school this year. The fights over homework and spelling words. The peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I've made for every field trip. The groundings as she tried to spread her wings, sometimes a little to far. The arguments over what she couldn't wear. The class projects we were up till midnight helping her get ready for. It's the last day.

She walked out of the house this morning armed with her usual last day supplies. A cheap disposable camera, so she can take pics of whatever and whoever she wants....scrap media for the summer. She also had a bottle of chocolate fudge in her hand. Her teacher is serving ice cream today and invited the kids to bring a topping. I can remember she learned she didn't like pizza day in the cafeteria. I can remember it's the first year she didn't have to be moved seats because she was constantly talking to her neighbor. She learned who Rosa Parks was. She learned what "Gay" means. She learned if you take off walking from a friends house after you've been told no, you will sit in your room and read for a month. She learned to like reading. She learned it's ok if mommy and Big Daddy fight sometimes....no one's gonna leave. She learned....so much.

I do get sentimental. Every last day brings her closer to the end of her school career. It brings her closer to the day when she'll leave and not come back for a long time....perhaps ever, other than for visits. I have watched the year in fast forward. I have watched her prove she can not only do well, but she can exceed expectations. I have watched her fall in "like" with 3 different boys this year and learn to deal when one of them "liked" a friend of hers. She had to deal with friends lying to and about her this year. I watched her handle these "friends" with grace, fairness, and forgiveness. Last year people started telling me how much her personality was coming out, how she seemed to be coming out of her shell and maturing. I'm ashamed to say I didn't notice it till it was pointed out. I see it now. I see her sense of style coming into being. I see her learn to combine her sense of style with what I am willing to allow. I've seen her and Big Daddy come to love each other over the course of the last year even more than before. I've seen her see her father for what he really is and while she didn't have the heart to tell him herself she did have the intelligence to know she had to tell us what was hurting and making her so angry.

My darling girl this is the last day of school. It's the 5th last day of school we've been through. This one seems somehow to be turning point. like your shaking off the last bit of down and growing into the feathers you will someday use to fly away with. Next year the school politics will be even more dramatic and dire. You will have perhaps just one or two "boyfriends" and they will be oh so serious. You will begin to choose friends who are more like you, you may even loose one's you have had up to this point. I am so proud of you. I'm proud of your strength, courage, fairness, forgiveness, beauty, intelligence. You make me proud to be blessed enough to call myself your mother. Have a wonderful last day, enjoy, their will be more to come and with them first days. I love you.

In my next life.

In my next life....I will be less serious
In my next life....I will talk less and listen more
In my next life....I will have more children
In my next life....I will not settle for less than I want
In my next life....I will not be a product of my environment
In my next life....I will allow myself to hate with good reason
In my next life....I will work harder to keep my friendships good
In my next life....I will not make judgments on other people
In my next life....I will be more intellectual
In my next life....I will be more involved
In my next life....I will watch the news
In my next life....I will be an outside girl
In my next life....I will be more forgiving
In my next life....I will sing karaoke
In my next life....I will write a bestselling novel
In my next life....I will wear high heels a lot
In my next life....I will be a photographer
In my next life....I will be a world traveler
In my next life....I will still be in love with my husband
In my next life....I will still have my daughter as my first born
In my next life....I will keep in better touch with my family
In my next life....I will be a protector for all things unprotected
In my next life....I will be nicer
In my next life....I will live somewhere tropical...at least sometimes
In my next life....I will be tanner
In my next life....I will be thinner
In my next life....I will be more there

My Quiz results

You Are a Marilyn!




You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."


Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.







How to Get Along with Me
* Be direct and clear
* Listen to me carefully
* Don't judge me for my anxiety
* Work things through with me
* Reassure me that everything is OK between us
* Laugh and make jokes with me
* Gently push me toward new experiences
* Try not to overreact to my overreacting.




What I Like About Being a Marilyn
* being committed and faithful to family and friends
* being responsible and hardworking
* being compassionate toward others
* having intellect and wit
* being a nonconformist
* confronting danger bravely
* being direct and assertive




What's Hard About Being a Marilyn
* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations




Marilyns as Children Often
* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent




Marilyns as Parents
* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
* worry more than most that their children will get hurt
* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Pics from the weekend!

Ewwww!!

I hate mean people....now don't misunderstand.....everyone can be mean I know...even me. I'm talking about those people who continuously make a point to be mean at any and every given opportunity. It's like they forgot simple honest manners....you know the little things like "thank you" and "please"....I for one believe when the little things are forgotten the bigger more important things are all but forgotten. For instance if someone never says "please" or "thank you" or "excuse me" what are the chances this person is gonna pull over after an accident and make sure you don't need a phone call made. Though it's been happening for a long time in our country I'm not only not used to it, but I refuse to become used to it. Weather in a position of dealing with customers or just out on the loose without adult supervision, humans as a whole should be taught simple and basic manners. I don't expect the world to act as if were all guests at the queen of England's dinner table, but would it kill people to show a little "nice". Because Nice Matters People it really does. Would it be so painful for some of these arrogant ass's to smile or hold a door or let an opportunity to be rude to someone pass them by without action. I mean come on people most of our mothers would be appalled if they knew we behaved that way. Although, I'm sure some of you learned the behavior from your mothers, do you really wanna pass those bad habits on to your children?

Maybe you do, maybe you see nothing wrong with your inconsiderate and rude behavior, maybe you pride yourself on being the biggest ass anyone knows. If you are that person I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. No one likes you....I don't care if you think you have a hundred friends....no one likes you....these people are around because they owe you something and can't get away till their debt is paid off or they want something from you and their just bidding their time till they get it....they are talking shit behind your back....they are laughing at you when your not looking....they only spend as much time with you as they "have" to.....they do not like you....you will not be remembered as a great part of their lives in the end. They will not think of you in any good fashion after they have used you for whatever they need. So you keep being proud of your unwanted and unnecessary attitude....just keep in mind one day you will be alone....all alone....and I'm willing to bet when you call someone to come visit you....your more than willing to say "please" and "thank you" which is after all where all the trouble began in the first place!

Finally an interesting weekend!

Okay so it's been forever since I blogged, mostly because not a whole lot has been going on. Chet was rained out of work for a week. He's back to work and working overtime to boot. Shy is still doing wonderful at school. I have been delving into my role of "Domestic Goddess" with gusto. Other than that it's pretty much been business as usual at the Turner mansion. I use the term mansion very loosely! This weekend however was a total un-norm for us....un-norm....yep that sounds like it's a word or one that should be if it isn't.

J came into town to hang out and go to the Slipknot concert with Chet. It was one of our graduation presents for her. We also got her a leather journal, 'cause no doubt college is gonna give her plenty to journal about! She got in about 2am Sunday morning and her Chet and I stayed up till 6am talking and catching up. Then we all went to bed....I'm not sure what time Chet got up....way to early, but I got up around 10 and of course I promptly woke J up. We all had a delish breakfast, thanks to Big Daddy of course. Then we got dressed and J went and had lunch with a friend of hers and when she got back Chet and I went to his Aunt and Uncles and Shy went with J to take birthday presents to her cousin. When everyone got back to the house Big daddy and J got ready and headed off to the concert. Shy and I made up some leftovers for dinner and then cuddled up in Big daddy and I's bedroom and watched Mamma Mia....for the 2,847 time! We had a really good time having a little bonding moment...we love to sing along with musicals! I dozed off on the couch after Shy went to bed and around 11 I started texting Chet he said the traffic was insane and they were gonna be awhile. They got home about 1 soaked through with sweat and I don't even know what else. They were so excited about the concert talking about how fun it was. I was just glad they had a good time. J was super stoked to find bruises on herself from the concert.

So on Monday I got up and got the girls off to school and after they were on their way I went back to bed. J was still sleeping so I figured I could get a good hour or two more. We got up about 10am. J wanted to go get her industrial piercing so we got around and I did a few mundane Monday responsibility's and we were off to get her piercing. Along the way I mentioned that I had thought about getting a nose piercing. She of course was like, totally you have to it would be so cool! After we got to the tattoo parlor I thought about it and had totally talked myself out of it, when on a whim I decided to text Chet and see what he thought....I was thinking he would be appalled by the idea and that would clench it up for me.....no he was so totally for it....Damn....now I might actually have to do it....crap....so before I could change my mind I gave the man the money and signed on the dotted line. It was painful, more than an ear, but less than a tongue. Now that it's been a couple of hours it's kinda throbbing a bit, I keep twisting and turning it. I am however already thinking of uber cute nose rings I've seen.

Now a little more detail about Sat. Chet's aunt called him and told him to come over for lunch actually she invited the whole family. Unfortunately Shy and I already had plans. So Chet went over to his aunt's and Surprise! His Grandpa and Grandma from Texas were in town! It had been a really long time since Chet had seen them. To say he was stoked was an understatement. He came home in a stellar mood. Although we had plans most of the next day with Jess he told me he wanted us to go over on Sun. so I could meet them. Now as everyone knows the tension between Chet's family and myself couldn't be cut with a knife....You would need a chainsaw....but he was so excited, he wanted so bad for us to be able to visit with them. So I took a deep breath and agreed. I gotta admit I was not looking forward to being treated as the unwanted guest. Much to my relief and surprise, I was treated wonderfully! Chet had told me many times when I finally met D and R I would love them and he was right I did love them. They were fun and I can't wait to know them better. They told us we had to come visit, and I am totally stoked to make it happen. T went out of her way to make sure I felt welcome, she was warm and friendly. I had a really good time. It was fun conversation. After all my worrying I was so happy I went and I was super stoked that Chet was so thrilled he got to spend some time with his family and his wife! All in all it was a wonderful experience.

So between the family, concerts, stress, introductions, late nites, and body piercings....it was truly the most fun weekend in a long while! The worst part was saying good bye to J. I can't wait to see her again! She truly is a most wonderful and amazing human being and I feel truly blessed to know her.