A menacing task.

I have a friend....she is one of those beautiful souls that one doesn't come across very often in life. She is smart funny and has a wonderful way of putting everything into perspective for me. She really is a great person. She is also, however, under the influence of a not so great man.

This man is the kind of man that we mothers of daughters pray our girls never come across and if they should we pray they are strong enough to deflect them. He's the kind that knows just exactly what to say to make women do what ever he wants them to. This man has 10...count them...10... children spread out all over the U.S. Most of them he has absolutely no relationship with at all. He pays child support on 1of them. He can talk his way out of a paper bag. The weirdest thing about it all is he's not good looking. I'm not the only one who thinks so. This man has come in to her life gotten her pregnant and then left her with a small child twice. He decided just before the last child he wanted nothing to do with her because he had other women he preferred to spend time with, or lie to and bull shit, then the day after the birth he has come back.

So my friend has gotten mixed up with this man and has 3 of his children herself. The newest one just arrived last night via emergency c-section. He is currently in the n.i.c.u. and will be there for awhile, he is healthy and breathing on his own he's just a month early, and therefore needs extra special care. He only weighs 4lbs 9oz. He's a very small but beautiful little guy. My friend had to be all, but cut in half to get this small miracle here. As I said above this man has conveniently returned, just in time to convince my friend she needs him more than ever now. I love my friend she has always been a source of comfort and joy to me reminding me when I needed it that it's not that bad. I am now, unfortunately, faced with the menacing task of simply saying "I can't help you anymore if he is with you and you are still going to allow him to continue treating you in this way." This decision is harder said than done. She does need the extra help her friends provide and I want so much to be a help, yet we have all expressed our feelings and fears to her about his constant back and forth, and the effect it will have on her and the children. She has refused to see that she can do it herself, with small help from friends. In a sense she has refused to help herself and therefore has made it impossible to allow anyone else to help her.
I wish her and all of her children nothing but the best and I will always be her friend, I just cannot always be her enabler.

Having faith, and belief!

So my boss called on Sunday evening..... not normal..... we discussed the schedule for the week..... the same as always...... and then she paused and said can you have dinner with me sometime this week.....background....the only time I have ever had a serious complaint about my job I asked her to meet me for dinner so we could talk about the situation with out being interrupted by kids. It worked out well we talked it all out and solved the problem right there in a matter of hours over martinis. I was nervous about this I thought I had been doing a good job I was following all the guidelines we set forth at the first "dinner meeting". Anyway we had our dinner tonight and while the conversation was some of what I expected some of it I wasn't ready for. Long story short my job will be ending alot sooner than I had anticipated....not because she asked it to or because she wanted it to....I made the decision....and it was not easy....she asked me to change my schedule to one that was very unfriendly to my girl....I was only willing to do that for a very very short time. So I am about to embark on a new adventure....one I have no idea where it will lead....I'm excited, sad, eager, scared, and hopeful all at the same time....my job came when I needed it the most hand delivered to me on a silver platter by the universe in a neat little package....I believe with all my heart and soul that this will happen again I believe the universe has heard my requests and I am moving in the direction to lead me to the end I have requested. So here we go faith strong hopes high, and expectations waiting to be met!

A rare movie review.

Just a short side note tonight....I don't usually give movie reviews, but I have to tell everyone I know with little children about a movie we watched this weekend with our girl. It's called Arctic Tale, let me say first of all it is shameless propaganda about global warming, but with the entire world trying to go green and educate children on the subject it's totally appropriate! Not to mention it's done in such a cute and fun way. It's a story that follows a baby polar bear and a baby walrus through 8 yrs, but amazingly enough it only take about an hour and a half. There are some touchy issues, death, killing, reproduction. These issues are handled with kids gloves on. There are no graphic scenes and with the use of music and beautiful scenery you could easily avoid some of these issues all together. Or you could use them as a conversation starter. The most obvious of these is death it is shown in more detail than any other adult subject and still is handled and shown with total discretion. The movie is narrated by Queen Latifah, who I love, and is visually amazing. I totally suggest all parents with small and older children check it out, it really was fun had by all of us! Happy movie watching!

Ewwww....

Right so I think I've mentioned my ex-husband has a girlfriend....I am totally not okay with her having anything to do w/my daughter. I understand that shy is gonna spend time with this women when she is with her dad, but I am her mother and when I am around I fully expect that I will be treated as her mother. I will make necessary decision's for her and I will decide what's best for her. Chet always took a backseat where shy was concerned when her father was around in fact he still does. I know getting used to this woman is no different than my ex getting used to Chet, but it should be different for a mother and daughter I think....shouldn't it....and to make matters worse shy seems to like her...Ewww....they seem to get along great....shy even seems to get along with her son....I am really trying hard to be gracious and pleasant about the whole thing, but the woman doesn't speak to me unless I speak first and then she just smiles and stares at me....I don't like her and I like her even less when she talks to and hugs shy....I am just being ridiculous I know and just like my ex I'm just gonna have to deal with the fact that she's around, but I don't like it. I really don't like it.

Uggghhhh!

I'm stressed and hoping the....blah mood I'm in lifts soon. Could be the weather or the fact that my husband is out of town....could be financial woos or work related stress...I don't know I can't seem to think a single thought completely out....I wish I had a really great friend to just pull me away and take me to dinner and drinks so I could vent and compare, children, and job stresses. There's a bottle of cheap rum in the kitchen and if I was just a little more irresponsible I would have more than a few drinks and feel....well....nothing. Ooohhh to be comfortably numb....I remember that from my youth...some would call it a fog of drunken, and drugged haze. I always called it comfortably numb....ooohhh to be young irresponsible and ignorant....it may be wrong and horrible of me, but sometimes just sometimes I wish for my youth. Wow! What a bunch of useless babble this blog is. Well it's time to do the dishes and move forward with the evening.... so.... back to reality.

In Love!!

I am such a newlywed! I was sitting on the couch last night cuddled under our honeymoon blanket with my husband, and I looked across the room at our favorite picture from the wedding day. Which happens to be in a beautiful frame....a wonderful wedding present...and I felt such completeness....such satisfaction....were not rich but the bills are paid....were not glamorous, but were are very sexy people! I realized in that moment as our daughter slept peacefully in the next room and the bird was quiet for the first time all day and the dog was on the floor snoring happily...there was no where else I wanted to be I couldn't have asked for anything else in the world. I was in a fairy tale not the kind they read to me when I was little but a real life one. I looked at my husband and said " I think were in one of those kind's of love affairs that people write poems about, and sing songs about, and romantic movies are made of. Thank you to the universe! I also thought about friends who haven't found this kind of love yet, or who have and are forced to be separated for any number of reasons. I think of you all often I wish nothing but the best for you. Keep the faith and know you will have this feeling yourself weather for the first time or again. Stay strong and know you are loved.

Thank You's long over due.

My last two blogs have expressed my delight at scrapbooking again. I think I realize why. Today as I was scrapping yet another page (that's a book and 2 pages done in a week). To some hardcore scrapper's that may not seem like much, but for me it's alot. You see for me scrapbooking means so much more than just a pretty book for my grandchildren to see, there is a meaning deeper and more important. This is my history of scrapbooking story.

I can still remember the first time I sat down at a table to scrapbook I had nothing....no bag, scissors, paper, stickies....nothing. I was invinted to join J and L. J had invited me and asked me to "just bring a couple of pictures and we'll show you what to do." I just kept saying I didn't have the money to start a new hobby...or a hobby at all. I went, at that time in my life I didn't say no to J about anything, anyway there the 3 of us were sitting at J's dinning room table I watched them for a long while and knew I was sunk. I watched them use paper stickers cutters and other various utensils to create beautiful pages wrapped around a few carefully chosen pictures. I fumbled around borrowing everything from them and making a lot of mistakes (I actually cut a picture into a circle using scissors) I laugh now but that was what I knew then. When the evening was over and I went home I mentally compared my page to thiers all the way home. My didn't quiet cut the cheese. It was elementary compared to the finished product they had produced. However something amazing did come out of the evening....I was hooked. The very next week I took $100.00 and went to the scrapbook store, the only one at the time, and bought all the "basics" or what I was instructed were the basics. I then went home in a frenzy and started going through photos and pushing out pages. When I look back at them now I think they are still very juvenile in style, but I was progressing. Every week or so I would purchase more paper or stickers or a new cutter of some sort, just things I would see in the store and think I would put to good use. I was scrapping almost every night after I put my daughter to bed, and sometimes when during the day when the "housewife" duties were done. I thought that was it I was a scrapbooker.

J and I had a falling out as most everyone in my life does and she was gone. I no longer had any one to share my thoughts and finished products with. I'm not sure how much time went by, or how exactly it happened, but L and I became really good friends. Better than good....great. She introduced me to what I personally think is the true reason and possible the best thing about scrapbooking altogether. L taught me about scrapbooking with friends. I'm not sure what exactly to call it there are a lot of names for different examples of this gathering, but the first few time's we did this was truly a magical experience for me, one I have yet to thank her for. The "gathering's" went as follows. We would decide who's house to overtake for the evening. Then someone would bring creamer and someone would bring a fun snack (usually something with chocolate) something we would never normally sit around eating. Then we would pack up all of our supplies in our bag(s), part of the basics. We would converge on the chosen location start the coffee and open the snacks. Pull out the project or project(s), as was the case more often than not with L, and the fun began. The coffee flowed like rain in the summer in kansas, as did the conversation, the chocolaty snack's the laughs. I was something unexplainable....it was a moment in time when we were exactly where we wanted to be. We would talk about everything and anything. It was.....magical truly magical. For awhile, I'm unsure how long it went on like this just the two of us enjoying these female bonding experiences exchanging ideas and giving critics on pages. It was perfect.

I remember the night T and I were dupped into scrapping together, L has since told me she didn't do it on purpose, I think otherwise. Whatever the case this would prove to be another milestone in my scrapping history. You see T and I were not really friends. Any way we showed up at L's and did what women do in these situations. We didn't talk to each other, we both spoke to L and we both would make comments and add what we chose into the conversation, but I don't recall ever really speaking to each other that first night. The next time we got together it was at T's house L called to invite me, I was hesitant, "are you sure she wanted to invite me"? L assured me it was fine and I should just come and scrap. I was new to this community scrapp gathering thing....and I loved it, and any way my moma taught me how to behave even when in a situation of tension. So I went. It was a wonderful time my pages were coming along beautifully and with the extra input I was growing confidence and priceless expertise from more experienced, and more talented women than myself. It was a great time we all took turn's it became something we did every couple of weeks or so. It was a given that we would get together and scrap it was just a matter of when where what. A friendship began to bloom between T and I we lived in the same town so even when we all couldn't get together T and I would and it was once again a magical experience.

T is one of the most influential people as far as my scrapbook creativity, and technique goes. She taught me the fundamental basics, the basic do's and don'ts. It's sad to say, but you can tell when we began scrapping together just by looking at my books. My work become's more creative, more embelleshed, more mature. I learned more than I thought possible just by watching her work and playing with whatever new toy or tool she had purchased. I don't think I would own an eyelet tool today if not for her. How sad would that be. She taught me to expand my thinking. It doesn't always have to match. Always matte your pictures. Inking is proof the gods love us and want us to be happy. You can never have to many buttons. Life without ribbon isn't worth living. Mini albums can be fun. If they have pretty scrapbooks to pass down generation after generation the kids don't need to go to college. When in doubt buy the paper in every color. The internet is a great sorce of ideas. Scrap lifting is ok just put your own spin on it, and give credit where credit is due.

During my divorce I didn't scrap at all....not at all. I was depressed and I had broken ties with T and L. I didn't have that female bonding experience to lean on and enjoy. The magic was lost. I was also busy trying to create my life from nothing, and therefore mentally spent. There were no creative juices. And therefore I just let it lie....for months....then a year. Then T and I found our way back to one another. Or she found me or I found her, I'm sure i'm romantisizing it a bit, but the point is we eventually found our way back to scrapping together. I was so excited that first time. This out of everything I had lost in the divorce was what I had missed the most. This was the reason I wanted to scrap so bad again. I wanted the flowing of conversation and coffee and ideas and critics. It was wonderfull.

I am sure some of you are wondering what the point of all this is....well here you go. T and I no longer talk and no longer scrap together. L has been out of my life for a long while now. I didn't scrap for a long time after T and I had our falling out. I just kept thinking something was missing it wasn't right to just sit and scrap by oneself. In actuality I have come full circle. I started scrapping by myself, and I have recently learned I can do it still. I don't have to have the "gathering" to scrapbook. It makes the experience much more fun and it is a magical experience that I would encourage any woman to enjoy. It isnt the only way to do it though. I once thought all my creativity was derived from the women around me. That like a coven of witch's we gained creative ability from the "gathering". I have recently discovered, I can be creative by myself, and I can scrap beautiful pages even with out input and commarderie.

I will never forget my history of scrapbooking and I will always remember the feeling of magic that was in the room during those perfect evenings. I have never thanked these women all three of them for nurturing me and my creativity for taking the time to show me I was capable of something meaningfull and beautifull. For letting me glue the mistakes down before telling me what the problem was so I would learn the joy of undo. I have found my own style or am finding it. I have found my own passion and desire to scrap and had it not been for these women I would never have even know it was there.

I thank you all J, L, T. For the introduction the conversation the coffee the input the use of tools, paper, cutting utensils, and so many more thing's I am forgetting. I have a way of self expression I wouldn't have without you. Thank you all for the individual and important way you have brought me to a place where I am confident, passionate, and driven enough to scrap by myself and in some way's for myself. I would love to have the magically moments back and someday perhaps we can all have a "gathering" together again. Until then I wish all of you beautifull pages, endless stickies, perfect measuring, flowing creativity, and most importantly wild abandon with your craft. I have and always will be a little piece of all of you and in a way a 4 dimensional walking talking tribute to you and your ability to pass on a truly great and wonderous gift. I will be a page you all collaberated on and if I do say so myself you did a beautifull job!

Welcome back creativity!

I promise I'm not gonna bog down my blog with pictures of my scapbook pages, but this one turned out so well I just had to show everyone!!

20 things that are typical Monica

1. Being quiet and not responding when I don't like something that was said
2. Crying at movies that I've seen a hundred times
3. Changing my plans to accommodate other people's schedules
4. Loving way to much....way to soon
5. Jumping to conclusions
6. Speaking my mind....loudly
7. Being my own worst critic
8. Assuming the worst of everyone
9. Playing my music loud
10. Underestimating myself
11. Overestimating myself
12. Being Mathematically illiterate
13. Being to strict with my children
14. Not giving the benefit of the doubt to anyone
15. Getting confused
16. Being unorganized
17. Leaving my shoes all over the house
18. Not dusting
19. Wasting time
20. Staying up to late

Back to scrappin!

Okay, so after a very long dry spell, because of lack of time, lack of pictures, lack of creativity, or all of the above, I am once again scrapping. I am totally excited because I have enough projects to last me a while. I am creating a wedding book a honeymoon book and a bachelor/bachelorette party book. Needless to say I'm stoked to be back into the swing of things. So for those of you who know my addiction and have been wondering what I've been up to I'm putting a couple of pictures of the first pages from the bachelorette party book on. Hope you enjoy them I won't be putting pics of all the pages I'll be doing but every once in awhile I'll surprise you all with some.